How to Reparent Yourself: A Guide to Healing the Child Within
What it really means to meet your unmet needs, regulate your emotions, and finally feel safe inside your own life.
The other morning, I sat on the edge of the bath in a towel, hair still dripping, blinking back tears. My toddler had been up since 5am, the laundry was piling up, and I just felt DONE. I wasn't crying exactly - just stuck in that tense, over-capacity place where your body starts to hum with quiet panic. And then, without really thinking, I whispered to myself, "It's Okay. You’re safe."
It wasn’t dramatic. Just a small moment of self-rescue. It wasn’t until later that I realised what that moment was. I was parenting myself.
What Is Reparenting?
Reparenting is the process of giving yourself the care, protection, and nurturing you didn’t receive consistently as a child.
Even if you didn’t grow up in a chaotic or traumatic environment, many of us had childhoods where emotional needs went unmet — often not out of cruelty, but because our caregivers didn’t have the tools. Maybe they were distracted, stressed, depressed, or emotionally unavailable. Maybe you were expected to be “easy,” “independent,” or the one who kept the peace.
Those survival strategies helped you then. But now? They might be keeping you stuck in burnout, people-pleasing, anxiety, or self-abandonment.
The good news? You can learn to meet those needs now.
The Three Pillars of Reparenting
When I first heard the term during my psychotherapy training, I’ll admit I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t sure I wanted to connect with some "inner child" hiding in my psyche. I was busy being an adult, thank you very much. The truth is, many of us were busy being adults long before we actually grew up. We had to be. And reparenting isn’t about clinging to childhood - it’s about reclaiming what got lost along the way.
Reparenting doesn’t require a 10-step plan or a dramatic life overhaul. It happens in small, daily gestures. There are three core pillars of reparenting:
Nurturing – tending to our physical and emotional needs.
Self-protection – establishing boundaries and safeguarding our well-being.
Play – reclaiming creativity, spontaneity, and joy.
Let’s explore each.
Nurturing: Caring Like a Good Parent Would
Many of us learned early on to ignore our needs - both physical and emotional. Maybe it wasn’t safe to express how we felt. Maybe we were praised only when we were “easy,” “independent,” or “helpful.” So we adapted. We pushed our feelings down. We stayed busy. We avoided making a fuss. We learned to survive by overriding our own cues.
Over time, this creates a pattern of self-abandonment. As adults, that might look like powering through work without eating, feeling sad and telling yourself to “pull it together - you’re lucky, remember?”, or finishing a long list of chores only to realise you haven’t had a sip of water since breakfast. Because if no one consistently tuned in to your needs back then, it makes sense that you struggle to do it for yourself now.
It might also look like always being the calm one, the listener, the helper - without noticing when you need someone to check in on you, or when you simply need a moment alone.
Reparenting through self-nurturing begins with recognising your needs - then gently honouring them through rest, regulation, boundaries, and care.
It might look like:
Making yourself a nourishing meal
Letting yourself cry, without rushing to feel better
Taking your vitamins
Having an early night
Gently reminding yourself: "Its Ok that I feel angry”
Saying no to something, even if it disappoints someone else
These might sound simple, but over time, they help restore your sense that you are lovable and deserving of care.
I often do reparenting work with my therapy clients, and it's incredible how small, intentional choices can carry so much healing. One client, who was exposed to violent films far too young, now carefully chooses the media she consumes - protecting her mind in a way no one did for her as a child. Another, a highly sensitive person who was always dressed in stiff, uncomfortable clothes growing up, now prioritises wearing soft, cosy, sensory-friendly fabrics as a form of daily self-kindness.
They’re quiet acts of care, but they’re deeply reparative. They say: I know what you needed. And I’m giving it to you now.
2. Self-Protection: Creating Safety from the Inside Out
If nurturing is about tenderness, protection is about strength.
Some of us grew up in environments where safety wasn’t consistent - where chaos, criticism, or unpredictability were the norm. As a result, we may find it hard to protect ourselves now.
We might drink too much alcohol, eat too much sugar or consume too much caffeine. Or we might allow ourselves to be repeatedly triggered by the news, or stay in toxic relationships. We are often completely unaware that we are frequently exposing ourselves to things that trigger stress responses in our bodies, let alone able to take the steps to protect ourselves from them.
Reparenting through self-protection means tuning into our mind-body system and being honest about what serves us, then setting boundaries and saying no to things that are unhealthy. The more we act like a responsible parent to ourselves, the more we see ourselves as worthy of love and protection and restore our sense that the world is a safe and protective place. It might involve:
Curating your social media feeds to avoid comparison and anxiety
Limiting the news cycle when it leaves you spiralling
Letting someone know their comment hurt you
Leaving relationships that chip away at your self-worth
Reducing substances that dysregulate your nervous system
These are boundaries with yourself. Gentle lines drawn in the sand to protect your peace, preserve your energy, and remind your nervous system: I’m safe now. I’m in charge. My needs matter.
3. Play: Reclaiming Joy
Play might be the most overlooked aspect of reparenting - and also one of the most essential.
For many of us, play didn’t feel safe or valued growing up. Our parents may have ignored our hobbies in favour of more academic pursuits, or we may have been told we weren’t “naturally creative.” If our caregivers never played with us, we might have internalised the belief that playfulness is childish, or that games are only about “winning.” And if we had parents who prioritised play and pleasure over their adult responsibilities, we may now associate play with fear, chaos, or recklessness.
No wonder it feels complicated.
But play is where joy lives. It’s how we connect to our creative spirit, regulate our nervous system, and remember what it feels like to be fully alive.
Reparenting through play might look like:
Dancing in your kitchen
Painting without caring how it turns out
Doing a puzzle
Watching your favourite childhood movie
Taking a pottery class just because
What might surprise you is the emotional impact of this type of joy. Sometimes, when we begin to play again, we’re met not with lightness, but with a wave of unexpected sadness. That grief can stem from all the moments we didn’t get to play freely as children - when joy wasn’t safe, allowed, or prioritised. You might even feel anger at what was missed, or discomfort at letting yourself loosen the grip. These responses are not wrong. They’re part of the work.
Why Reparenting Matters
Reparenting doesn’t erase your past, but it transforms your present - and your future. It’s how we stop living from old scripts. It’s how we interrupt patterns of overgiving, self-criticism, and emotional shutdown. It’s how we come back to ourselves.
When you start reparenting, you’re not just healing your inner child. You’re becoming the parent you always needed. The one who says:
You matter.
You’re allowed to rest.
You don’t have to be perfect to be loved.
Ready to Go Deeper?
If this speaks to you, you might love my 7-part guided audio course: Reparenting Your Inner Child.
It’s designed to help you:
Break free from people-pleasing, burnout, and self-criticism
Build nervous system regulation into your everyday life
Learn how to care for yourself with consistency, compassion, and strength
Finally feel more emotionally steady, self-trusting, and safe
It’s not mindset work. It’s healing work. And it’s never too late to begin.
